Making a tough decision tougher

For many people, Sir Norman Wisdom will forever be the clown in the ill-fitting suit falling over in black and white movies. But now, aged 93, he is a shadow of his former self, suffering from vascular dementia and sometimes unable to recognise his own family.

When Sir Norman was first identified as having dementia in his early 90s, his two children, Nick and Jackie, along with his faithful PA, Ann, shared the caring duties between them.

But as Sir Norman’s dementia worsened, Nick and Jackie were faced with the decision to try and carry on caring for him themselves or to put him into a nursing home where he could get round-the-clock care. For any family, this is a tough and emotional decision, but most don’t have to deal with the scrutiny of the media as well.

Sympathy was seemingly in short supply. Some fans were upset at their decision, one tabloid ran a story that the family were not letting anyone see him – not true, they say – and a radio station said they should be shamed “into doing something humane”.

This reaction shows the ignorance and prejudice that still surrounds the plight of carers who take the decision to put their loved one into a home.

All too often they are portrayed as heartless. Some people – who more than likely have never had to care for someone with dementia, or know how serious the disease can be – assume that they couldn’t be bothered to look after them anymore and abandoned them in a home. Nothing could be further from the truth.

This only serves to make the carers – who probably already feel very guilty about the decision they’ve made – feel even worse, when they’ve only had their loved one’s interests at heart and in all probability made the best move for them that will improve their quality of life. It serves no-one.

Sadly, carers are still a hidden group in society, and it is almost a taboo subject. These barriers need to be broken down and exactly what is involved in caring for someone with dementia and how hard it is should be publicised, loudly and often.

In addition, the notion that a care home is just a way of shutting someone away and forgetting about them needs to be addressed.

Hopefully, the first step will be a documentary on Nick and Jackie’s decision to put their father into a home. The documentary Wonderland: The Secret Life Of Norman Wisdom Aged 92 ¾ is on BBC2 at 9.50pm tonight. With any luck, it will give the critics of Sir Norman’s children a new insight and maybe they will think twice before criticising anyone else that makes the decision.